It's (soon going to be) the most wonderful time of the year

Disclaimer: As you read this blog, things in round brackets ( ) are my own thoughts as I write it. Also, as you read, everything in here is written with a smile, a grin, and a wink (<-- thus my eyelids will be tired by the time u are done reading this) so, just like always, for anything I say, take it like I'm half joking and half serious. Or read this with some serious grains of salt. Death, divorce, and desire. BAM! Ok, I know i've written tons of sad stuff lately (well i only ever write about sad stuff) and the title of this article doesn't lend itself to emotional depression, but I am super sexy happy. Why and what the heck is "super sexy happy" ? Well for starters 1) I had my exams moved to ownage dates 2) It's snowing outside (<--- I just wanna curl up like Playboy Batman (the name of a loving cat from a sweet little house =) 3) Its 3:42 am Wednesday October 29, 2008, and I am in the Spring of my academic youth! (Actually, I have an exam today and I'm mega unprepared) Continuing on with the definition of "super sexy happy..." For starters, if you are ANYONE who WOULD read this blog, I'm guessing you'd be like ">.> uh... yes.." AND THEN! This would be your "characteristic" response


Jeff - >.> <.< Uh.. no its, no its ok, its OK simon! Ill just have the normal happiness *severe nodding*
Hiram - >.> Uh... no thanks, not so much hehehe (<--- ackward laughter) SO!....
Justine - REALLY?! Really simon?! Super sexy happy? HAHahahahahahehehe.....It's ok dear
Shirly - *quirkly* Teehee... boys are dumb (mommy smile =)
Vivian - *bats her bad-boy-eyelashes with as much might as she can muster!*
Cindy - (I'm having a lot of trouble on this one. Part of me predicts "What? How is that even possible?" followed by unanimous chiming in of roomates agreeing that 1) boys are dumb 2) see other point) or maybe (ackward silence! This would be the worst, and I hope... one day..., to mend that gap =) or maybe some pseudo debate of which will end in emotionally repressed body language and diction) (<--- implications!)
Roger - Who are you?
Pam - Would you like some more pie, love?
Joe chan - Simon Nigger muffin you need to get a life. HHEHEHEHEHHAAHAHAAAAAAAA (<-- shut up joe)
Jason - Dota?
Lei - OooooooOOoo for the longest time... Ooooo....EEEHHHHHHHHHHHH???!!!!
Christina - (Xena, this is what you would say as we attempt to make "normal" conversation) OMG simon why do you make people feel so ackward? It's ok though, i do the same, we're kinda similar like that. YEH YEH! *fist bump*


Funnies aside
My past weeks since the end of retreat have been terrible:
1) Death - my grandma is dying, and I am emotionally torn between cold shoulders and hot tears. As much as you're told to hate her, and desipse all she has done and stood for, how can you hate someone when you see them dying? With the half shaven head, the rashes on the arm, the inability to even open your eyes, or speak, needles sucking out blood, i don't know..... I lost all composure when i saw her
2) Parents - I've had it up to here with you two. If my dad, EVER, utters again that he's going to divorce my mom, i'm going to tenderize him with my fists and kill him with irony (I.E. Drop an iron piano on him). If my mother utters again, why "she has to be a douche" I will tenderize her with my words and negatively inhibit her characteristics using Jeff's diagnostic personality (<-- this part was an inside joke + biochem, but it doesn't make sense anyway, i'm just angry...)
3) Girl problems - I'm torn between what I like, what I want, and what is going on COMBINED WITH what once was, what is now, and what could have been. It's like wearing two different prescription contact lenses; I just... no matter how hard you try, how much you want to tell her, you're just not sure if it's her because you're blind to both reality and affection because you're not sure which, if either lense, is the correct prescription.
4) Midterms - It's midterms.

In the mean time, the past 2 weeks has taught little Simon, what friendship means (<-- i haven't come up with a super sexy definition of friendship, but when i do... for sure i'll do another post =)
In no particular order, thank you:
Hiram, Joe, Lei, Kevin, Cindy, Shirley, Justine, and Vivian, and Hikari and Abbey (now the frindge people =p, most of which will prlly never know this blog existed, but are just as kind, and caring) Lydia, Lawrence, Andre (e accent egue) and Pak (my 3rd other half, making a total of three other-halves so far, and, ond day, if I find the cute, little Mrs *smiles and dreams away...*, i will have a 4th other-half, making a grand total of 3 me's, where the 3 consists of me + hiram + b-chan + Pak + whoever-jeff/hiram-feel-sorry-for-that-dated-and-married-me)

it's 4:30 am, and I have to study =)
Thank you for deciding to read my blog. You have great taste =D. Enjoy the snow

Simon

Why I cry myself to sleep

Its 12:22 am of Sunday morning and I was about to fall asleep when I looked at my MSN list and found a few people of which I just want to let them know how much they mean to me. Some of these people lie in the tiny house of 51-7, others raise the roof with their height, still others just can't be missed by the volume of their voice. Of course, as a 21 years old, male (this is a key factor) and prideful, I don't say anything and just go "busy" status.

Socially speaking, if youre friend just told you, "I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me," if you're a girl you would think "WTF HE BROKES THE RULES OF! OF!.... Of social normallness! Omg creepazoid, is he telling me he likes me?" Or if you're a guy "huh? ok... simon, u saying you wanna dota?"

I don't know why, but during the summer, and just every so often, I cry myself to sleep, like tonight (saturday) for instance, like yesterday (friday)... lying on a familiar but foreign mattress studying the celing in the silence of the night, i feel a hot tear slide down the left cheek. Not quite sure why.

Given the 4 months of solitude in London, I've come to realize that I exude an aura of self-determination, ambition, and desire to learn. Really on the inside, i'm just a little boy crying for attention, crying for mommy to pick him up after eating a dirt sandwhich.

I'm quite conflicted with how I used to treat my parents and how God has shown me to treat them now. A little bit of self hate has come to play, while ambitious self-rectification sort of exfoliates the old ways.

Speaking of exfoliating, thank you shirley, justine, cindy, and vivian for getting me that Hawt Leopard lufa. If it's ok, i'd like to use this as an example of something.

For example, upon receiving such a lufa, as any typical guy would say, "Omg it's so gay," and do all sorts of things to show dissatisfaction that his friends would purchase him such a "gay lufa." So to add some humour to the situation, I play that typical male, and show those signs of which are so typical of a "guy," causing shirley and a few others to have a light laugh. To be honest, it's mostly just a facade. Really, i'm just grateful you remembered and put so much funny thought into purchasing such a scantilly coloured piece of bodily wash cloth.

Most of the things that I say, that I do, have to be witty, or funny in some way. Maybe I had a bad childhood? =p I think I owe everyone an apology whenever I say something funny or witty because most likely, I'm doing it to grab attention. So! For future reference, Sorry I i'm saying something funny or witty and it seems like i'm doing it to grab attention!


Ok Last bit of thought before I have to sleep to go to church today. Given today's social boundaries, I find it extremely difficult to tell people how much they mean to me, whether it be a girl, your old roomates, or a friend in China who taught you the meaning of Jesus.

We'll screw that. If I happen to die tomorrow, should God feel it is time, I just wanna let you know you mean something to me whether or not you know it. I don't give a damn about stupid social boundaries. If i could hug you forever and let you know that you are like the family I wish I had all my life, I would do it. If I DON'T happen to die tomorrow, and I continue to live, I hope that my silly banter and stupid talks can bring a smile to your heart. If it does, I could die happy.

"I feel sorry for your kids" the quirky version!

I think Hiram has said this to me on countless occasions. Everytime I do or say something I believe to be cause for raucus laughter, Hiram says, and Jeff chimes in agreement, "Simon, I feel sorry for your kids."

This is then followed up by by Jeff saying "Why are you so GAY?" "F-f-f-f-raaaaaggot!"

Simon: Don't you think Jeff is a fraggot Hiram?

Hiram: No I'm pretty sure you are. Jeff is normal, but you are gay. I mean, at least he's now got a girlfriend finally, but you are married to Brian. I mean, wtf?"

Simon: >.> ----------------------- (Hiram) + (Jeff) .... *SNIFFLES*

Haha, so this is the norm of our house. But it's pretty cool because Hiram and Jeff are like two older brothers who keep me up, either in emo ness or responsibility and even though they call me fraggot and "can't believe that they are living with me." they still manage to somehow look out for me. *Giggly girl smiles*

Even though I've never met anyone like Hiram or Jeff before, I can't imagine life without em either.

During my conversations with Grace, I remember mentioning, like a proud 6 year old boy running home to show mommy his first A+, about how I was/am living with 2 super guys called Hiram and Jeff... 2 older bros in Christ who joke, punch, call me fraggot, but ultimately look out for me in some magical way. Heee! xD

THUS! It makes me sad that it's the END of 3rd year cause verybody's growing up. Chia is going to doctor school, Grace will prlly follow suit, Hiram's lookin at houses, people are getting married, I STILL can't believe it's not butter,....and so on. What will I do as a job? How much money will I make? Funnily enough, marriage and things related to this idea have totally left me. Somehow, I've fallen in love with today just as it is and I don't want to go dating again and don't want anything to change.

I can just see the future now... I'll be that funny single Uncle Simon that all of Hiram, Jeff and Chia's kids look at, then I'll make em laugh with tickles, jokes, and bellying rubbing lolly popping smiles. I'll tickle the little girls, talk serious to the "grown up" boys, and play games with the little ones. Whether or not I am a father, a mother, or watever... makes no difference.

When the kids grow up, and if time and logistics allow (and assuming Hiram and Jeff don't tell their kids that Uncle Simon is a fraggot) then, i'll teach all the boys how to get girls =p and after that, we'll go rent a video game and have guy time =p lol. Similar to girl time, except NO SHOPPING ALLOWED! OR ELSE! The ultimate penalty!...of which will be decided by the winner of the card game 7-add-pig ...... D-D-D-DANG! <-- if you do not get this reference, please observe, in secret, Joe Lee and Jeffrey Cheung for the next two months

Also, this reading week, I somehow feel like I got to know Vivian a bit better, albeit unintentional. Funnily enough, I'll prlly go and study over at 51-7's house during the coming 2 months (platonic reasons of course). Hopefully, should ackwardoms be disregarded (*croses fingers* "please please please please please pretty please") I can grab some coffee or icecream in the warmer weather with her. IF YOU KNOW WHO THIS PERSON IS, do not make it anymore ackward than it already is, albeit this msg in itself is probably somewat ackward as it is hahaha =p. I guess you were right Hiram and Jeff, I also feel sorry for my kids too=p hahaha.

For those who do not know, it is ~ 7:30 am, and last night till 3 am this morning, we were playing the card games Bang, 7-add-pig, and had the most bestest of times ever. Call me weird, but I rarely experience the innocence of friendship and fellowship just as is and so I can see why some ppl enjoy living for their friends. I guess, my version of what I live for would be to make everyone laugh from the bottom of their toes to the tip of their top hats. Weird, ackward, or not, it's what I do and I hope people get a laugh from it. If you do NOT appreciate this ackwardness, please call 1-800-no-weird to cancel.


Be the change you want to see. Strive, learn, and grow. Be smart like snakes, but turn the other cheek. Do not worry for Tommorow will take care of itself. Everyone was a noob once, so be patient.


Simon

Just a little unsure

A lot of the time we strive for things that we want and like. Of course, when we grow older, or I guess it's better to say, as we grow older, we learn, from hindsite, that the things we strived for in the past are all but "just the things we wanted at the itme." So, right now, at the age of 20, all of us young adults want to get married, have a good education to get a good job, and we aspire to grow, learn, mature and enhance ourselves, our lives, our experiences, and do this with the people around us, our family, our friends.

But, suppose we are 80, and we are at the ripe old age to die. Life is done, and we've made our mark on the things that matter, the people that matter.

So on our death bed, what would we say? What would we look back at? Do we look at all the things we accomplished? All the maturation we learn? All the work we've carved into the ground?

I don't know haha. It's hard to tell since, as with many things, to each their own. But! As it stands with my parents, my mother has this innate desire to grow and enhance herself while my father yearns to enjoy life as it is.

So I asked my mom, "What is it that you strive for in life? On your death bed, what will you think about? Is it all the things you've accomplished? All the money you've acquired through the knowledge you've learned? All the people you've helped? Or the people you just happen to share a laugh, a hug, or a smile with?"

Well my mother could not answer. But she said, the thing that amkes her happy in her life is the "Continuing to mature and always keep moving, keep growing," idea. Personally this is crap.

I agree but disagree at the same time. Yes, many things are beyond these walls of residence, Western, and the people here. But many more things are stuck in the PEOPLE, damn it, the people we meet here, and USING our maturity, USING our knowledge, to teach, to help these people and put that damn smile on their face... wow what a great world this would be. Mother dear, simply acquiring maturity is, in itself, immature. It's not like you use any of your maturity to help those closest to you. You are the worst.


Yes, it's true. So many of the guys and girls I met here in Western are nothing like the people of highschool. Ya ok, the standard of maturity, of knowledge, of understanding and appreciation of this world are so lacking... so undeveloped, it makes me sadly question how parents raise their kids.


BUT! HAHAHA! See, aside from all this crud, I'm just one man, just one person in this world of six billion, and like everyone, I have my own stories, and am insignificant in relation to anything of this world, or heaven. Thus, I feel, aside from my job to help my parents, and one day make my sister learn to care about our family, it's also my responibility to make em laugh heavy bellied from the bottom of their toes to the tip of their top hats.

I wish i could make people.... hehe laugh like they do on Friends, haha laugh like they do on Whose Line is it Anyway, and HAHA laugh like the way we are when our group of friends share an inside joke. I could live and die happy if I could make everyone enter and leave with a smile.

Mom and dad, I will continue to help you, I am your son afterall. I hope that one day I can make you two laugh together, either at me, or at olivia...*tear* maybe even for the first time ever, in the 20 years of my life... just *grimmace*.. Damn it, to hold hands, to make jokes, to laugh at and with each other. Damn it...

But...For now, I'll continue to do my labs, continue to read my books, and learn from my proffs. Continue to pray to God.

I love you guys...

Simon

Titles

Titles are a funny thing :) *chuckles*. We humans make them so that we can put understanding and clarification to things that deny us the simplicity that we constantly look for. For instance, in physics, we give the name "gravity" to the extremely complex force that pulls everything down toward the ground. In organic chemistry, we say that carbon must always, and will always form 4 bonds (called the octet rule). But in organic chemistry we break these "octet rules" and come up with new rules, namely Valence Bond Theory and Molecular Orbital quantum theory.

All these titles.

We place titles on everything. Even Ivey has titled it's frosh week as the perfect "Fusion" of opportunity and um.. something else *forgots* =P. We give titles to the higher ups in companies, namely CEO, President, Chairman, etc. In any academic institution, the name "Dean" carries so much weight that as science students the Deans are more like Academic Deities than humans.

And we are born this way. In Canada, China, Germany, and around the world, we are born into this world; a world of titles.

But you know? The more I study at Western, the more I feel that there's no need for titles in this world. Sure, CV's need their credentials, and students need their marks, and what about a girlfriend or wife? I mean, like the titles wife, or girlfriend... how could you tell your friend that this girl means something to you if you didn't have the time to explain your feelings?
Ok. It is nice to add the name doctor to my name, ... hmm *thinks* Dr. Ng *chuckles* haha it's 4 letters, but the classification of everything is overdone.

But friendship, love, hate, and sadness. How could we ever put a title to these "feelings" ? Being around people you care and love... and learning the things you love and care about... wouldn't that be so much more?

Imagine... if we could all learn because we LOVED learning, because it's so darn cool to know! To excel, to expand, to understand and just sink your fingertips into the earth. CEO, PhD, Shadow Shaman, whatever. And if we could just care about others just because we do. Screw the rules about CV, about status, about looking good. Really, what does it matter? Maybe if we could love just because we do and not because we have to or feel obligated to... *grimaces* that would be the worst of all....

Titles are funny =). The tv show "Friends" implies friendship and good times, and hence the show is about such ideas. Someone from mainland China with the classifcation Chinese implies physically small, mentally sharp, and iron-tipped life-hardened grit.
A picture is worth a thousand words for a reason. Sometimes I wish we could live life using music and pictures instead of words to express ourselves. Maybe then we could all be ourselves.

And on that note, know how everyone says "She/He's different wen you talk to him alone or get to know em." Imagine if we could just be ourself from the moment we were born to the moment we die. That would be great.

*Grins and looks upper left to think* If we could live as ourself, learn everything we can, understand everyone we know, and love everything we touch, this world would be that much more magnificent (no mean people please =p)

Simon - 20 years old

Blogging

I will blog after analytical chem 272a lab

First time for everything

These past 3 days have just been crazy. I thought I'd be really happy to go to China and experience what it would be like to teach at a very "well named" facility. But really, when you get into it and your learn about it, you just get disappointed.

At first I thought it would be a good experience to go to China and teach English. The original plan of July and August was to get a summer job in Toronot by day and study MCAT by night. I really liked that idea. But then of course, MCAT's new systems, just like all newly implemented systems, doesn't work the first time around and has too many bugs, so of course, waking up 2 hours earlier to try registering for MCAT was a total waste of time and sleep. 'nuff said. Now it turns out I'm going to China to teach english, help set their marketing strategy, and help them plan their enlgish curriculum.

Yes, I'm supposed to appreciate it and supposed to look forward to it. And I do, though i'm sure if my mom ever found out how much I really resent this trip, she would absolutely slap me. No questions asked.

Right now its 9:45 pm and I have so much paperwork, books, articles, to study... all piled up on my desk, onto my laptop, even my bed; literally sleep in my work. I feel like a proff. It's the first time in my life that i feel just LOST and overwhelmed with my work. Like a little boy who can't get around without holding onto someone's hand.
Last week i remember reading the blog of a sweet little girl who wanted to run and hide in her pink bubble. Right now i'd give anything to run and hide in my blue bubble.... *waves goodbye to pressure*. Just to sit at home, worker by day, student by night, and all the weekends consumed with mindless laughter, gaming, and friends....

Whatever. See you guys when I do. *huggles*.......................