A long time growing
Solid moral fiber, a solid grasp of who you are, what you believe in, and why you do what you do!
I've been talking to Eldon recently about some stuff:
What motivates you? What do you consider friendship? What do you consider as real friendship? What's family to you? Why do you see it this way? What matters to you in life? How do you see yourself in 30 years?
Since grade three, I've been wondering where do you draw the line? The line between what you ask? I'm getting there =) just gimme a sec.
A while ago, I remember reading a verse in the bible that said If you have the capacity to understand someone, it is your responsibility to do so. On that same Sunday, Roger said that it is a SIN not to understand someone, not to show understanding to someone when you have the power and capacity to do so. Someone asked me, "Simon, what do you mean by show understanding?" Well here's the example I gave them. Imagine a little 4 year old chinese boy, who just started feeling pride and jealousy. As a four year old, he wouldn't understand this feeling, just that he feels hurt and must defend himself. As his mother or father, what would you do? You would hug your child and teach him that what he feels is called "Jealousy and Pride" and you would hug him because he was on the ground, in tears, frustrated that some other 5 year old bully in kindergarten pushed him face first into the dirt. Now, say your child who was 4 now grows up to be 5. If your child ever showed jealousy or pride to you at this age, what would you do? Would you talk to him as if he was 19 years of age? Or would you, as the mother or father, love your son with your velvet smile and hug?
As kids, when we were young, our parents showed us much understanding, because they were capable of it, and because they loved us. At that young age, our parents would never tear us down or show us their pride. As a Christian we always show our pride and jealousy to God, yet God, with his infinite wisdom, and capacity to understand us, continues to do so, and forgive us.
So, as a Christian, it is our duty to understand, our responsibility to show understanding to someone, when we are capable of it.
Given our current age, nobody ever questions about things like pride or jealousy. And when your friend gets hurt, even if she's a bit on the wrong side of the argument, you still pat her back, wipe away her tears, and try to transfer some of your love with a hug. That's showing understanding and compassion.
Yet most of our parents... we imagine them to be nagging and always telling us what to do.. blah blah blah................Yet... yet that's not what our parents do is it? Our parents love us with something more than we can imagine. I'm sure if you ever asked them... mom.. dad, if we were in Germany and back in World War II, and we were all hiding in different places and the Nazis caught you, and asked you to tell them where me and sister were, would you tell them? What if they tortured you? Cut off your nails? Your fingers? What if they gouged out your eyes and broke your teeth, tore off your appendages and impaled you on a pole? I'm sure they would say no... I remember asking my mom this when I was 5, and she said it doesn't matter what kind of torture they did, she would never say anything because she would protect her children until the day she died, I cried......
And with this love our parents want us to grow, to change, to become better people, better Christians. They support us and give us everything; their energy, their love, their life, without ever asking for return. They even get physically violent and wail on us, in hopes that we should learn quicker so that the world won't teach us the hard way.
Now I ask you, what is friendship to you? Sure, we can all go and have drinks, watch movies and party together.... but what else is there that binds friends together if not for fun and proximity? What if you two part ways, can you still stay friends? Or do you lose contact?
Hypothetical situation:
Your good friend argues with someone about something, and your friend is the sensitive type, but they were wrong in their point of view, yet they are the type who are easily hurt... what do you do?
Assuming that you have the full capacity to understand your friend b/c you've been in their mindset, their shoes, and their arguments before, what do you do?
Do you show understanding and compassion like you would to your 4 year old son? Or do you try to teach them, even if it puts your relationship on the line, like you would with your 19 year old son?
I am tearing for an answer....... searching away because I don't know the answer and I really pray that someone could help me.
For me, friendship is more than just movies, dinners, laughs, and a good time. When you are apart and no longer live near each other, what will keep your friendship? When your parents argue with each other, about dumb stuff like where they placed the dish or turning off the radio in the car (you know who you are =p) or about bigger things like how they should teach their kid (my parents do...) and it becomes ugly...............what keeps them together? When they aren't smiling at each other, and holding one another, what keeps those two together?
What does it really mean to be a friend to someone? Don't you want that person to grow up? As a 19 year old Chinese boy named Simon Ng, my definition of friendship is just that. You care enough about someone that you WANT them to change, to grow, to refine themselves. You WANT that person to succeed in life, to open their eyes to the world, to become closer to God. You WANT THESE THINGS FOR THEM! And you do it because you care, not because you have something to gain, not because this person might see you differently or because of your own pride, but because you care! Because this person means something to you! And you show it by REALLY trying to help that person for that person's own physical, mental, and spiritual growth.
But to DO ALL THIS! You HAVE TO somehow tell your friend that what he or she is doing is wrong... but how can you do this without hurting their feelings? Also, nobody likes to be criticized... so how can you do it? I don't know, but I've come to realize that when you really care about someone, as a friend or otherwise, sometimes you have to put your friendship on the line.
So, in one hand we have the idea of truly helping your friend grow to become a better person, but on the other hand, we have the responsibility to understand someone, to show compassion and caring.
My question is.... where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line between showing that you care for someone by encouragements, hugs, and pats, and showing that you care for someone by really helping that person become a better person even if they don't want to? Honestly, If you just say that "o well it's too bad for that person, I'm not their parents" then perhaps I don't know.... let's not go there....
And yet, isn't this what our parents do? They love us and encourage us, yet when we do something wrong, especially during our age of rebellion and thinking we know a lot, they become harsh, mad, angry, and even physical... but they do it out of love. In the end, they want us to grow because they love us, and it doesn't really matter whether we, as their children want to grow or not, but they want us to, b/c our parents have gone through hardships, through tears and through the ugliness of the world, and so they don't want us to go through those same things.
So ya, that's something I've been struggling with since a long time ago. Where do you draw that line? If you really care about someone, don't you want that person to grow? To achieve? To become a better Christian? Yet, at the same time, we can't force these things and some friends are more sensitive than others. How do you tell someone they have a log in their eye when you have a frickin tree growing out of yours? Yet you see their log and you tell them not because you're trying to show you're better but because you care enough about him or her. . . .
Eldon said this is the point where we leave it up to God, for God to change their heart, for God to work within.
I'm praying about it. But in the meantime, I don't plan on giving up anytime soon. Cause for Simon Ng, friendship means that you REEALLY....... *pause* care about that person, and you'll care for that person in hopes that the seed you planted will bloom when Spring chirps on the nest just outside your friend's window.
I've been talking to Eldon recently about some stuff:
What motivates you? What do you consider friendship? What do you consider as real friendship? What's family to you? Why do you see it this way? What matters to you in life? How do you see yourself in 30 years?
Since grade three, I've been wondering where do you draw the line? The line between what you ask? I'm getting there =) just gimme a sec.
A while ago, I remember reading a verse in the bible that said If you have the capacity to understand someone, it is your responsibility to do so. On that same Sunday, Roger said that it is a SIN not to understand someone, not to show understanding to someone when you have the power and capacity to do so. Someone asked me, "Simon, what do you mean by show understanding?" Well here's the example I gave them. Imagine a little 4 year old chinese boy, who just started feeling pride and jealousy. As a four year old, he wouldn't understand this feeling, just that he feels hurt and must defend himself. As his mother or father, what would you do? You would hug your child and teach him that what he feels is called "Jealousy and Pride" and you would hug him because he was on the ground, in tears, frustrated that some other 5 year old bully in kindergarten pushed him face first into the dirt. Now, say your child who was 4 now grows up to be 5. If your child ever showed jealousy or pride to you at this age, what would you do? Would you talk to him as if he was 19 years of age? Or would you, as the mother or father, love your son with your velvet smile and hug?
As kids, when we were young, our parents showed us much understanding, because they were capable of it, and because they loved us. At that young age, our parents would never tear us down or show us their pride. As a Christian we always show our pride and jealousy to God, yet God, with his infinite wisdom, and capacity to understand us, continues to do so, and forgive us.
So, as a Christian, it is our duty to understand, our responsibility to show understanding to someone, when we are capable of it.
Given our current age, nobody ever questions about things like pride or jealousy. And when your friend gets hurt, even if she's a bit on the wrong side of the argument, you still pat her back, wipe away her tears, and try to transfer some of your love with a hug. That's showing understanding and compassion.
Yet most of our parents... we imagine them to be nagging and always telling us what to do.. blah blah blah................Yet... yet that's not what our parents do is it? Our parents love us with something more than we can imagine. I'm sure if you ever asked them... mom.. dad, if we were in Germany and back in World War II, and we were all hiding in different places and the Nazis caught you, and asked you to tell them where me and sister were, would you tell them? What if they tortured you? Cut off your nails? Your fingers? What if they gouged out your eyes and broke your teeth, tore off your appendages and impaled you on a pole? I'm sure they would say no... I remember asking my mom this when I was 5, and she said it doesn't matter what kind of torture they did, she would never say anything because she would protect her children until the day she died, I cried......
And with this love our parents want us to grow, to change, to become better people, better Christians. They support us and give us everything; their energy, their love, their life, without ever asking for return. They even get physically violent and wail on us, in hopes that we should learn quicker so that the world won't teach us the hard way.
Now I ask you, what is friendship to you? Sure, we can all go and have drinks, watch movies and party together.... but what else is there that binds friends together if not for fun and proximity? What if you two part ways, can you still stay friends? Or do you lose contact?
Hypothetical situation:
Your good friend argues with someone about something, and your friend is the sensitive type, but they were wrong in their point of view, yet they are the type who are easily hurt... what do you do?
Assuming that you have the full capacity to understand your friend b/c you've been in their mindset, their shoes, and their arguments before, what do you do?
Do you show understanding and compassion like you would to your 4 year old son? Or do you try to teach them, even if it puts your relationship on the line, like you would with your 19 year old son?
I am tearing for an answer....... searching away because I don't know the answer and I really pray that someone could help me.
For me, friendship is more than just movies, dinners, laughs, and a good time. When you are apart and no longer live near each other, what will keep your friendship? When your parents argue with each other, about dumb stuff like where they placed the dish or turning off the radio in the car (you know who you are =p) or about bigger things like how they should teach their kid (my parents do...) and it becomes ugly...............what keeps them together? When they aren't smiling at each other, and holding one another, what keeps those two together?
What does it really mean to be a friend to someone? Don't you want that person to grow up? As a 19 year old Chinese boy named Simon Ng, my definition of friendship is just that. You care enough about someone that you WANT them to change, to grow, to refine themselves. You WANT that person to succeed in life, to open their eyes to the world, to become closer to God. You WANT THESE THINGS FOR THEM! And you do it because you care, not because you have something to gain, not because this person might see you differently or because of your own pride, but because you care! Because this person means something to you! And you show it by REALLY trying to help that person for that person's own physical, mental, and spiritual growth.
But to DO ALL THIS! You HAVE TO somehow tell your friend that what he or she is doing is wrong... but how can you do this without hurting their feelings? Also, nobody likes to be criticized... so how can you do it? I don't know, but I've come to realize that when you really care about someone, as a friend or otherwise, sometimes you have to put your friendship on the line.
So, in one hand we have the idea of truly helping your friend grow to become a better person, but on the other hand, we have the responsibility to understand someone, to show compassion and caring.
My question is.... where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line between showing that you care for someone by encouragements, hugs, and pats, and showing that you care for someone by really helping that person become a better person even if they don't want to? Honestly, If you just say that "o well it's too bad for that person, I'm not their parents" then perhaps I don't know.... let's not go there....
And yet, isn't this what our parents do? They love us and encourage us, yet when we do something wrong, especially during our age of rebellion and thinking we know a lot, they become harsh, mad, angry, and even physical... but they do it out of love. In the end, they want us to grow because they love us, and it doesn't really matter whether we, as their children want to grow or not, but they want us to, b/c our parents have gone through hardships, through tears and through the ugliness of the world, and so they don't want us to go through those same things.
So ya, that's something I've been struggling with since a long time ago. Where do you draw that line? If you really care about someone, don't you want that person to grow? To achieve? To become a better Christian? Yet, at the same time, we can't force these things and some friends are more sensitive than others. How do you tell someone they have a log in their eye when you have a frickin tree growing out of yours? Yet you see their log and you tell them not because you're trying to show you're better but because you care enough about him or her. . . .
Eldon said this is the point where we leave it up to God, for God to change their heart, for God to work within.
I'm praying about it. But in the meantime, I don't plan on giving up anytime soon. Cause for Simon Ng, friendship means that you REEALLY....... *pause* care about that person, and you'll care for that person in hopes that the seed you planted will bloom when Spring chirps on the nest just outside your friend's window.
posted by Simon at 8:42 AM
1 comments
